autisticexpression:

c3rvida3:

When they first started dating, my best friend’s boyfriend was like, “I just kinda feel like you two are uncomfortably close sometimes. All of my friends agree that it’s really weird, and I think we need to establish some boundaries.”

And I sat him down and gave him this huge speech, like, “Listen, the ability to maintain intimate, long-lasting friendships is a sign that your partner is well-adjusted! It’s a little worrying that you’re feeling insecure about your partner having a healthy, normal friendship.”

Only for her to walk in two seconds later and say, “This drink is disgusting, you have to try it,” and, instead of offering me a sip, take a huge swig and spit it directly into my mouth from like three feet away.

There’s just so much going on here but I want to focus on the fact that this apparently happens so often that you saw her take a swig and instinctively opened your mouth for her to spit in it.

Who are you, OP? What is your life?

(via tinyconfusion)

thickness-protection-program:

At work: “when I get home I WILL create something!”

*Gets home*

(via eatyourveggieswitheverymeal)

tonystark-tm:

chotimoti:

tonystark-tm:

tonystark-tm:

not to be a history fucker on main but the whole mystery of the lost colony of roanoke is so fucking funny

governor of the colony: hey I’m gonna go back to england to get more supplies

115 colonists: okay

governor: ends up spending 3 years in england bc of a naval war with spain or some shit

governor: gets back to the colony to find everyone gone

governer: sees the word “croatoan”, the name of a native american tribe, carved into a post

croatoan tribe: has members and children with blonde hair/blue eyes, pale skin

everyone: what could have happened to the colonists of roanoke

hi! op here. I’m fucking hyperventilating

(via squided)

dingdongyouarewrong:

old enough to remember when smut was called ‘lemons’ but young enough that i had absolutely no business knowing that smut was called ‘lemons’ at the time 

(via varusai)

princesskuragina:

princesskuragina:

YA contemporary be like a quirky girl named ari (short for arithmetic) and her boyfriend peter (short for jupiter) have to help save their best friend abby (short for cabbage). They never swear but there will be one (1) HEAVILY implied sex scene and a single background character named Perso Nofcolor. It will sell 12 million copies.

Classic literature be like troubled man who goes exclusively by his last name must engage in violent misogyny to learn the meaning of life

(via inmyheadimreallytall)

fatgothgf:

i cant get over this

(via memeappropriation-deactivated20)

reputation2017:

charlize won’t stop saying gay rights

vexlleth:

tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva:

lakeside-conservative:

tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva:

do people really still think states are reopening because coronavirus is under control and becoming less common ??? the re-opening is literally just for money. nothing has changed in real life to warrant it other than concerns about the economy.

The economy is fairly important you know. Like, really important. To distill the economy down to just money is an epically large mistake.

the economy isn’t gonna fuck you

You know what the economy isn’t? A living, breathing, conscious and thinking organism. It is a concept. It is observable as a part of society and yes, when distilling it to its basic definition, every society, even an off grid family of 5, have economics. I get that. Good for you and me that we’re intellectual.

Guess what that means though? The economy doesn’t think, doesn’t feel, doesn’t plan, doesn’t breathe. Its a reactionary concept that develops based on OUR actions. WE are alive. WE control the economy. We could literally pause it if we wanted to.

Plenty of “smart” and “accomplished” people who talk in terms only a wallstreet broker can understand will tell you that if the economy stops everything burns to the ground. Actually, it doesn’t have to. Its quite simple. You can absolutely say “a horribly deadly pandemic has broken out and we do not know enough about it. We must hit the pause button. Money will have the same buying power when we start again because we will make it so. We will provide food for ourselves as we always have but do so in as safe a way as possible, and we will treat those who are sick without indebting them.”

People did not start building their own houses because they wanted equity in the shares market. They wanted out of the rain and snow.

You have GOT to start being even the most RUDIMENTARY amount of fucking empathetic here. Literally a gas company making money doesnt fucking matter. It doesn’t matter at all because money is an object that WE give value to and if theres no more people theres no one to give meaning to your bank account. So please pick up your mask. Put it the fuck on. And care about your fucking neighbors you uncaring, business suit, industry worshiping cretin.

(via sewoonz-deactivated20200909)